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BIGBROTHER 2 ALL THE STORIES & NAUGHTY PICS BIGBROTHER 1 THE ORIGINAL FULL ARCHIVE & PICS BBC CASTAWAY 2000 ALL THE LATEST NEWS AND GOSSIP REGULAR UPDATES RICHARD BRANSON AND BILL GATES LOTTERY BALLISTIC MISSILES ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT? INTO V.W.BEETLES & CAMPERS? TRY THIS! PREGNANT? PLANNING A BABY? BUNDLE OF JOY ALREADY HERE? TRY THE GARDENCROFT PREGNANCY WEBSITE I WORK IN BIRMINGHAM'S JEWELLRY QUARTER SEE WHAT WE DO FOR A LIVING!
in association with
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Big
Brother arrives If they wanted to make Big
Brother really interesting they'd sling all 12 of 'em in a two-bedroom
semi with two z-beds and a camping stove for company.
Now that's
television. But 'yoof'
telly being what it is, the latest Big Brother house comes on like a
branch of Ikea designed by Satan. Migraine-inducing
colours with retro-nonsense furniture, wooden floors – natch – and a
wipeclean stainless steel kitchen. Think borstal
meets a London docklands flat and you’re half-way there. Bizarrely, the
new house is nestled on some wasteland in the bowels of Elstree Studios. Crafted out of
what appears to be papier mache, this hell-hole looks like it'd blow away
in a light breeze. Designed by
Markus Blee - who was also responsible for the Priory and the TFI Friday
sets - this new building is much larger than in previous years to
accommodate the extra two contestants. But this ain't
no luxury love pad. For starters,
anyone worried about getting their bits out in front of the great British
public, would do well to avoid the 'wet room'. There's no shower curtain,
no shower screen, hell, there's nowhere to hide your knackers. And with Reg on
camera three only yards away, you can bet your life someone’s gonna be
having a butchers at your filthy bits as they chow down on a Pot Noodle in
the aforementioned semi. The best bit,
is the Bruce Forsyth-esque glittery staircase that stretches into the
middle of the house. With a front
door 40ft up, you can guarantee some Sunday Night At The Palladium-style
exits once the first attention-seeking sort is given the boot. The Diary Room
has been shoved under the staircase to avoid people over-hearing each
other and they’ve even splashed out on some sound-proofing. The bedrooms are a mixture
of single and double beds in a lovely shade of suicide grey that will be
fairly unforgiving on the stain front.
And with no
windows, and more cameras than you can shake a stick at, you're guaranteed
enough psychological obstacles to keep shrinks in the money for the next
20 years. Animal-lovers
will also be rejoicing too with the return of the staple chicken coop. But fowl play
aside, the biggest breakthrough is the heated, hexagonal swimming pool
plus barbecue. If Hitler had
designed a holiday camp it'd look something like this. But with fewer
cameras.
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