BIG BROTHER 3 AT GARDENCROFT--

3 AT GARDENCROFT

in association with

In The Dog House
Day 40, 11:30

The first Big Brother was a Nasty Nick Soap Opera. The second was a gay romp in a holiday camp. So what is the true flavour of Big Brother 3?

I think the defining moment of this year's offering so far was when wild escapee Sandy left a farewell liquid deposit, deliberately peeing into the housemates' kitchen waste-bin.

It was so much like a rogue dog cocking its leg to leave its personal scent-mark, that it dawned on me that watching this new Big Brother House is rather like paying a visit to the Battersea Dog's Home. With this canine analogy in mind, just take another look at the caged inmates:

First, there is emaciated Alex, the 'fretter' greyhound whose incessant whining saw him thrown from the back of a van onto a busy motorway.

Then there is Adele, the muscle-rippling, sleek-bodied Doberman, discarded by her security firm because, without any warning, she turned vicious towards her friendly handlers.

And Tim, the once-proud show-poodle whose angry owners abandoned him when they were disqualified for dying his hair at Crufts.

And who can overlook Jade, the gallumphing, big-mouth rottweiler, who was such a pampered puppy that she grew up thinking she was a little lap dog, but who can't help causing havoc by repeatedly reverting to type.

And we musn't forget dear old PJ, the cheerfully scruffy, randy bull-terrier who sits hopefully in the corner of his cage with his tongue hanging out, waiting for a bitch on heat to relieve his frustration.

And then there's your friend and mine, Jonny, the retired rescue dog, so highly trained to be helpful that he is now constantly worried about his inability to perform inside the doghouse.

Finally there is Kate, the delightful golden retriever, so attractive that it is hard to understand why she is moping in the corner of this stress-laden enclosure, instead of prancing down a sun-kissed beach chasing sticks thrown by her besotted owners.

So there they all are, harshly displayed to us visitors for a few weeks while they await their fate, playful puppies one minute and squabbling adults the next, deliberately prevented from forming themselves into a proper pack.

Every week one of them is put down - a moment they all dread - but eventually one of them will be whisked away to gain the longed-for rosette and pose proudly on the winner's podium. Who will it be?

The bookies favourite is Alex, the fastidiously clean greyhound, but his incessant whining will, in the end, probably turn the judges against him. Good Jonny rescue-dog, with his abundant kindness towards everybody, clearly deserves to be among the finalists.

But, who knows, perhaps Best in Show this year will go to Kate, the appealing golden retriever, a pedigree breed with a perfect temperament. Unfortunately for her, however, the majority of the judges are said to be young women, who in past years have always favoured a male winner. Will this year see a break with this tradition? We will have to wait and see.

BIG BROTHER IS A

PRODUCTION FOR CHANNEL